Fear

If you don’t follow me on Twitter or are not my friend on Facebook, you might not know that I have a mild obsession with Thought Catalog (though if you don’t follow me on Twitter or aren’t my friend on Facebook, I have no earthly idea why you are reading my blog). I can usually count on that site to give me at least one quality article a day, and usually a few more that will make me giggle. But one that made me think a lot today was 25 Things I’m Afraid Of. As a random aside, the author has become one of my recent favorites, and I had sent one of his articles to one of my friends, who happened to know him. Small world, right?  

Anyway, back to the fear thing. Interesting little fun factoid about my name. It means fearless one. Maybe my parents made that a little bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, because I think by and large I’ve managed to go through life without dealing with a lot of the fears that many people do deal with. Have I been afraid in my life? Certainly. But I honestly think the vast majority of times that I have been afraid in my life, I have been worried more-so for others than for myself. That might be a terrible evolutionary trait, but it is a reality. For a while when I was growing up, I thought of this as a good thing. In fact, I took great pride in it, and to an extent, still do today. But a couple of years ago, I saw something else that changed that view of fearlessness being ideal: Brene Brown’s TED Talk on Vulnerability. Looking back, I do think that some of my “fearlessness” was due to not making myself vulnerable, and I know that affected some of my relationships badly. I would like to think that I have learned from that, and grown from that, but there is no way to know for certain.

Back to the present, what am I afraid of now? Not much but some thoughts do linger. Why share them in public? Why not? What does anyone really have to lose by sharing their fears? Not much. People might see you as weak, but how much do those people matter?
1) Not being fully present in one place. This is a short term thing, as I am wrapping up some commitments in other places, but I am so ready to be fully present in one place.
2) Not reaching true happiness because I am interested in way too many different things, and I can’t possibly do all of them at the same time. 
3) Not reaching my fullest potential to make an impact because I’m stretching myself too thin.
4) Being unable to reconcile my love for a fast paced, constantly evolving work environment  with my own personal preference for a more tranquil personal sphere.

And a number of other things I’m sure. And don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly happy at the moment. I’ve been given a lot of amazing opportunities, and expect a later post to be a belated Thanksgiving post. This isn’t the most coherent post either, but I figured I might as well get it out because life isn’t going to slow down any time soon. 

Also, heard this for the first time today. Was the best 11:50 seconds of my day.

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