I have two fundamentally opposed desires in life, and making them work with each other is going to be a really confusing experience.

I crave stimulation. Good discussions, solving puzzles, learning new things, being challenged. For me, one of the best feelings in the world than finding a problem, one that I have no idea how to solve, learning new things in that area, pushing my limits to a point that I didn’t know they could go, and then doing something that I didn’t know could be done. And that is the environment that I want my workplace to be. A place where I am constantly challenged. I just blurted out something that my subconscious knew that my conscious didn’t without thinking about it a few months ago. “I kinda hope I never have my shit together for too long when it comes to a career.” That might be a terrible thing to say, but it is definitely true. I have a bad feeling that I would be bored if my days became too predictable. That being said, I’m still searching for a bit of direction now, so I’m clearly not easily pleased.

However, in my personal time, solitude is what I like most. People who meet me in social gatherings are often really surprised when they find out that I am an introvert. Or at least have introverted tendencies. Though they aren’t as apparent right now since I’m still at a point where I have something booked every day of the week. Part of that is because I’m still new to this place and I want to do everything I can to become entrenched into my new home, trying to become a part of as many different communities as I can. Part of it is because there are so many cool opportunities that come along, I can’t bring myself to say no to any of them. And part of it is the fact that my job doesn’t necessarily allow for that kind of personal free time if I don’t take the initiative to carve out that time for myself. Taking myself out into nature is part of the solution. But I haven’t figured out what the rest of it is yet either.

So I find myself fighting between to opposing forces. I’m not sure what the end result will be, but it will be interesting to see what equilibrium will look like.